#5. Rubber Band Man: The song by The Spinners notwithstanding, we can’t imagine Rubber Band Man being much help in a battle with a supervillain. Maybe if the REAL superheroes need to fling something at the bad guys or wrap up some prisoners, but even then…stretch Rubber Band Man too far and he’s gonna break. And seriously…that stings.
#4. Annoying Sales-Man: Oh yeah, we ALL know this guy. Is he a hero? A villain? Somewhere in between? “For the low price of $19.99, I’ll be happy to save your family from that building!” “At 6 bi-monthly payments of $49.99, you’ll find my defense robot is personal protection at a bargain price!” Rumor has it, this hero was the inspiration for Arthur Miller’s play “Death of a Salesman”
#3. Aluminum Man: No one can take a punch like Aluminum Man. Unfortunately, one punch is about all Aluminum Man can take. Seriously, this guy just crinkles under pressure. Fortunately, the other heroes can use him to keep their leftovers fresh, so there’s at least a reason to keep him on the team. “Curse you, Aluminum Man! You’ve FOILED me again!”
#2. The Accountant: Hey, someone’s gotta balance the checkbooks for the other heroes, right? When the super-team ironically destroys half the city they’re trying to save, SOMEONE’S gotta pay for cleanup. “Able to calculate equity in a single bound! Faster than a speeding investment!” He currently holds the title of CHA, or “Certified Heroic Accountant”
#1. Kan-Ye, The Voice of a Generation: “Nothing in life is promised except death.” He’ll let you finish, but he’s the greatest villain of all time. OF ALL TIME! Kan-ye’s greatest pain is that he will never be able to see himself perform live. As such, he cruelly subjects the rest of us to continued live performances. Is often seen with his partner in crime: Kar-Da-Shian.
All artwork provided by Chance Miller, one of our fantastic digital artists!